For many people New Year’s resolutions are a joke, a New Year’s tradition without significant meaning. Even serious resolutions are routinely discarded after a few days or weeks. Why? Because we try to change our habits without changing our minds. To keep New Years’ resolutions, or make any long-term change, it is imperative to change the way we think about the issue in question.

            We make New Year’s resolutions on the tide of hope that comes with new beginnings. The hope that things will be better, that we will be better. Feeling hopeful leads to a sense of possibility, and we resolve to make positive changes in our lives.    

            And then reality sets in. Take the classic resolution to exercise and loose weight. We quickly find it requires discipline to eat a healthy diet and work out regularly. We do not always manage to do it. We begin to feel hopeless about changing, and soon we are back to our old ways. 

           But it doesn’t have to be that way. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and the Psychology of  Happiness are based on the premise that how we perceive situations influences how we feel about them. In other words, it is not what happens to you that determines how you feel, but how you think about what happens. 

            If you are working on weight loss and step on the scale after a week or two of careful eating and exercise to discover you have lost only half a pound, your automatic thought may be, “Only half a pound, I’ll never get there.”  That will leave you feeling discouraged and ready to give up. Think that way, and by the end of the day, your New Years resolutions are likely to be history.

            Instead, choose to discard that thought and replace it with, “Half a pound is not a lot, but I’m headed in the right direction.”  Hold onto that mindset and you may be disappointed at the slow rate of weight loss, but you will still be motivated to continue. In reality, half a pound is simply a half pound. It is how you think about it that makes the difference.

            Your automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) arise from deeply held beliefs about yourself and the world you live in. For example, if you are convinced that your genetics make it impossible for you to maintain a healthy weight, it is unlikely you will make the lifestyle changes necessary to do so. However, since genetics is only a partial determinant of weight and fitness is clearly a lifestyle issue, it is equally valid to conclude that adopting healthier habits will help you maintain a healthy weight. What you choose to focus on makes the difference.

            To go a step further, if at a deep level you are convinced that things rarely or never turn out right for you, every disappointment will lead to thoughts of personal failure and feelings of hopelessness and sadness. But if your underlying belief is that things will work out in the end or that everything happens for a purpose, temporary setbacks can be seen as just that, or even as stepping stones to bigger and better things.

            When you find yourself giving up on your New Years resolutions stop and examine your thought processes and underlying beliefs. Is what you believe about this situation or behavior really the truth? What do others who believe in you say? What does your faith tell you? Are your thoughts and beliefs logical? 

            Changing the way you think and the underlying beliefs your thoughts represent is not a quick fix. But challenging your negative assumptions and making a conscious choice to replace them with realistic, positive beliefs will change your outlook on life, one belief at a time.

             It is often useful to get professional help in starting the process. Ultimately, however, it is something you must do for yourself, day after day, year after year. And then one day you will find your default setting has changed from negative to positive and keeping resolutions is something you can count on. Resolve this year to do what you need to do to start the process of change. Find courage to grow.